Summer is drawing to a close and a new school year is about to begin. For many of us, this brings stress as we witness our children’s anxieties about school increasing. For our children, the transition from summer to school may be scary due to fear of the unknown and the anticipated change in routine. This can leave us as parents trying to find ways to address the anxiety while also trying hard not to play into it and make it worse. Luckily, as parents, we are able to implement a few practical strategies that may be helpful for decreasing our children’s back-to-school anxiety, which can also set up our families for more successful and peaceful transitions into the school year.
· Validate your child’s worries. Sometimes we fear that this may make the anxiety worse but it can actually be helpful to reassure your child that it is very normal for all of us to be nervous about new experiences, including you. Allow your child to voice concerns and fears. It may be reassuring for you to remind your child of times that he or she was worried and then ended up having a good experience.
· If separation from you is a concern, start practicing. Start by talking about the need to separate during the school day. Read books about children going to school and talk about the fun things that your child will experience at school. Talk through what your child’s specific drop-off and pick-up routine will look like. Create times to separate from your child, if possible, so that he or she can ease into being away from you in preparation for the first day of school. You can also create a reward system with your child for the first few weeks of school where your child can earn engaging in a favorite activity with you after successfully separating from you at school. This can reinforce easier separation from you and provide a safe and fun way for you to stay connected to each other during this hectic time of year.
· Adjust the family schedule to the schedule your family follows during the school year. This can be done by adjusting dinner, bedtime, and wake-up times a little every few days until they are in line with the school year schedule you hope to follow. This can cut down on some of the fatigue that comes with schedule adjustment by letting the schedule gradually shift and may also decrease any irritability or emotionality that often exist in the first few weeks of school.
· Spend some time at the school. You can start as simply as taking your child to play on the playground a couple of times. If possible, set up times for your child to be inside of the building by attending any meet-the-teacher events or just arranging an informal time for your child to meet the teacher and see the new classroom ahead of time. Middle and high school students often benefit from having time to practice walking their schedules inside of the building and either connecting or reconnecting with their assigned school counselor and/or administrators.
· Incorporate some relaxation activities into your child’s daily routine. This will help calm his or her anxiety now as school approaches while also introducing and practicing effective strategies to manage anxiety in the future. Short walks in nature, listening to soothing music, practicing yoga, deep breathing or simply blowing bubbles can all have a calming effect on your child and naturally help decrease feelings of anxiety.
· Plan ahead to create an after school schedule for your child that allows for a balance of decompression time and necessary tasks like homework and/or household chores. If possible, it would be best to accommodate your child’s unique personality and needs when setting this up for them. For example, some children need a break and/or snack when first returning home before they can transition to homework and chores, where other children thrive on accomplishing these things first so that they have the remainder of the evening to relax and unwind.
Even with all of these in place, the first few weeks of school may still be tough on parents and children. We can all give ourselves and our children some grace during this time. It is wise to consider planning for extra family time and relaxation as we all get back into the school routine.
If your child’s anxiety symptoms are not decreasing or are getting worse after a few days of school, consider reaching out to your child’s school counselor for support. There may be available interventions at school that can help. Your school counselor can also be a great resource in helping to determine if your child’s anxiety would best be addressed through counseling in the community. You are always welcome to call the West County Psychological Associates office at (314) 275-8599 to discuss the possibility of counseling services for your child or teen who struggles with anxiety.
Heather Hanvy, MA, CRC, LPC
Heather Hanvy is a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor (CRC) and Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), with experience providing counseling and crisis intervention services to students and their families in schools and mental health settings. She is a strengths-based, client-centered clinician who utilizes a variety of therapeutic techniques to meet the needs of each client.